The Butler is available

If you have a butler then you can never do without one. The trouble is they are expensive and so you never find out the attention they can give you. Unless you happen to come across one on your travels, as we did once.

We had arrived in Brisbane – Australia, and had pre-booked at the Heritage Hotel. Now called The Stamford Plaza, I prefer the original name, so much more up market. Well I think so.

Now when you have been travelling you just want to pig out and relax. We did just that. First, we had a shower while admiring the very little TV in the bathroom. We found it very convenient when you go to the toilet. . Pulled on the thick dressing gown (hotel supplied), put on the local news on the big TV, looked at the view of the river – fantastic view – and crashed out on the bed.

‘What time shall we go down for dinner?’ the usual question once you have sorted yourself out. ‘Oh! Have we got to get dressed again? I think it might be easier to have something to snack on in the room. You order and have it sent up.’

Half an hour later after we had ordered there was a knock at the door. We had in fact ordered quite liberally. Well it was a very good menu and we were hungry. Opening the door we let the very smart young man wheel in the laden trolley. Now we were pigging out, but if you have a Butler pigging out it seems is not permitted.

‘Good evening sir, my name is Ian and I am your butler. Err, I think we should dine by the window.’ The trolley went straight across the room to be unpacked – the only word for it – and the window table was laid. Including the central candle which was lit for effect, and we watched.

‘The TV madam, I think not.’ Click gone was the picture. ‘Some suitable music perhaps I think is better.’ Click, we had suitable music, subdued and romantic. ‘I think the lighting is a bit bright.’ Click we had subdued lighting. The effect was to transform the room into a candle lit dinner for two, romantic music, subdued lighting, and a fantastic view of the river. What can you do but behave, and sit dutifully down by the window. ‘Will that be all sir?’

‘No that’s fine thank you’ what else can you say.

By this time Ian was by the door. ‘If there is anything else you require please ring I’m on duty all tonight. Please leave your shoes outside the door for cleaning and any laundry that needs attending to. Perhaps some letters you would like posting, anything at all.’ And he was gone. We did give him some postcards to post when he cleared the table a little later.

Yes I think I could cope with a butler, but I still like to pig out sometimes!